|Something of a back to school moment here at DM. 2020 has been disjointed and weird (as it has been for most of the planet), and I deliberately haven’t done a newsletter, well because A) who needs to see my soda/banana bread (there wasn’t any) B) The last thing anyone needed was ANOTHER middle aged white man pontificating on about something nobody has a clue about.
2020 has been quite the year, hasn’t it?
In January I was told I had thyroid cancer. I had been feeling increasingly rubbish for a while and the WWF level thickness of my neck meant I was sent to hospital for an ultrasound. The results were not good. Not good at all. An operation was scheduled. I spent the first two months of this year contemplating my own mortality and the possibility of a family life without me in it. Nobody wants this kind of news, but it a special weird bequest for people with dependants, whether they are animal, parental or child shaped. Most of the time you are concerned with the usual day to day bullshit, the matter of putting one in front of another. Then it hits you, not like a wave because that can be invigorating and fun, but more like trapping your hands in the car door - throbbing, painful and leaves you feeling faintly stupid.
At that time I didn’t know if it was my barely functioning thyroid or every single moment of our daily lives being given soap operatic significance, but I was exhausted. When the operation came around, as I disappeared one morning into an ambulance taxi, covid was starting to bite. Going into hospital on the first day of lockdown was a strange experience akin to 1970s science fiction - No visitors, haunted eyed medical staff bracing themselves for the storm to come.
But I got out, sans thyroid. A shambling Frankenstein like figure, always cold, groaning and roaming aimlessly around the place.
Then, in only three days later...
And after some of the longest months of my life, the medication kicked in and I was back and 'badder than ever' to coin a phrase. With not a drop of the cancers. The relief was papable. The first few weeks of lockdown barely registered. But there is an antidote to all that optimism and gratitude. Two words that can reverse all that positivity, that can rob you of your renewed love of life.
More to follow....
Lots of love,